The Next Chapter

I'm sitting in the San Antonio airport, waiting for one of my classmates from Loma Linda to arrive. I spent the last two days driving across the Southwest. As always, I enjoyed the lonely, harsh beauty of the American west. Unfortunately, I was in a bit of a hurry so I couldn't enjoy any side-trips like I usually like to take when I drive cross-country. I arrived at Fort Sam Houston at 11:00AM this morning, to report for six weeks of the Officer Basic Leadership Course. One interesting part of the road-trip was a stop yesterday afternoon in El Paso. I decided to get my hair cut there and stopped at the first barbershop I could find. The barber ended up being part Pima Indian and part Mexican-American. He had some very interesting perspectives about life and philosophy and some interesting stories to tell about his family. He probably would have called himself a Christian, although some of his beliefs were a bit unorthodox. Except for being in a hurry, I enjoyed the conversation though.

As with most of the big transitions I've experienced, I'm both excited and nervous about the next six weeks. I'm excited about the ways this will change me. I think it will be the closest thing I've ever experienced to the stories of monks I've read about who had to be in submission to their elders. Now I will be in submission to the officers above me. My next big test is the physical training test. I have to run two miles in seventeen minutes and do 39 push-ups and 45 sit-ups. I should be able to pass just fine.

With all of this said, I can't wait for August, to be back with friends and family in Battle Ground. 

Surviving Medical School with Faith intact...

With my first year of med school for the most part finished, I have been reflecting back on the year and having conversations with friends about how this first year has changed us. The most obvious change is, of course, our knowledge of the human body and that is pretty exciting to me. But an experience like medical school changes a person in much deeper ways. When we arrived here we were regularly warned by the deans and by students further along that if we weren't careful many of us would become cynical people who forgot our original altruistic or spiritual reasons for coming to medical school. As usual, I doubted that med school could change me in such a way. But looking back, I think med school has changed my personality and I'm pretty sure that it has not made me a better person. I think that the demands that our coursework puts on our time and energy can encourage a great degree of selfishness to grow in one's personality. I have certainly seen that in myself. Free-time, when I wasn't studying, became so valuable to me that I would rarely think of seeking the Presence of the Lord or of finding ways to serve others. Instead, free-time came to mean watching movies, reading blogs or occasionally working out. I also have thought less about my original ideals that I thought so much about when I entered medical school. Instead of dreaming of a future on the mission-field, I've begun to dream of a higher class rank or the possibility of a more competitive residency. The demands of medical school has encouraged my already perfectionist personality not only to demand more from myself but also to be more critical of those around me. 

That all sounds bad, huh? I've told some of my closest friends here, and I really think it's true, that I'm probably in a worse spiritual state than I was back in August. My daily time in the Word and in prayer has shortened and I am less ready than I once was to try to encourage and pray for classmates. But with all of this apparently negative reality, I know that God has provided for me in marvelous ways. 

When I told my friends that I thought I was actually in a worse spiritual state now than when I started, I also told them that if it wasn't for the various ministries I'm involved with here, things could have been much worse. The constant accountability and edification I have found in our weekly Christian Medical and Dental Association meetings and in our Men's Group Bible Study meetings have been invaluable. Through those relationships with brothers and sisters in Christ I have been given the opportunity to honestly share struggles, to seek the counsel of my colleagues and their prayers. Having a wonderful church family who I look forward to seeing every Sunday has also been very important.

Another conversation I've had with some of my classmates is a "what if" conversation considering whether we would have gone to some of the more prestigious schools we applied to had we been accepted. And there was a time when I would have said, "yes," that if I had gotten into Harvard or Mayo Clinic that I would have gone there. But looking back on this year and considering things with the eternal perspective of the importance of my soul, I would have to say, "no." Think what you will about Seventh-day Adventist theology, but I have to say that they have founded and nourished an institution where a Christian can become a doctor and where they can be affirmed and encouraged in their faith in Jesus Christ. For this I am very thankful to my Adventist brothers and sisters.

In closing I would say to any Christian entering medical school, do not underestimate the trial that awaits you. Temptations that once may have looked dull because of the vibrancy of your spiritual life may gain a new and enticing luster. But if you can find real Christians to be open and honest with, to pray with and to succeed and fail with, you will make it through with your faith intact. 

Joshua Tree

Well, it's been a while. I'm finished with all my exams which means I'm basically finished with my first year of medical school. I am very thankful to God for the multitude of ways that He has provided through this year. For the next three weeks I'm up in the hospital shadowing doctors and then off to Texas for my army training. On Saturday I went to Joshua Tree National Park with two friends from the medical school. Joshua Tree is a beautiful and unique place and hopefully I will return there someday for a camping trip. Here are some photos from the adventure for your enjoyment:

A Joshua Tree - Yucca brevifolia.

Some great rock climbing.

A plain of Joshua trees.

A random lizard.

Aaron, Jon and I on a rock we climbed.

Coptic Easter

Last night I was honored to be able to celebrate the Resurrection of our Lord with a classmate of mine from the medical school. My classmate, Mina, is of Egyptian descent and is a Coptic Christian. I met him near the beginning of the year and after talking a bit about the Coptic Church he invited me to celebrate Pascha at his church. So last night I headed to Covina, to St. John Coptic Orthodox Church. I was blessed by the nearly five hours of beautiful liturgy celebrating the Resurrection. I had a harder time following along than I did last year when I celebrated Pascha at an Orthodox Church in America parish as only about a quarter to a third of the liturgy was in English. As far as I could tell, elements were used from both the liturgies of St. Basil and St. Gregory. The songs and chants of the night had the intonations which one would hear in the calls to prayer coming from minarets in the Muslim world. I think the foreign musical scale made it harder for me to learn some of the hymns that were chanted many times throughout the night. By the end of the night I had begun to pick up one of the hymns and it was very cool to try singing with the Arabic intonations instead of the Western that I have always heard and sung. The homily was first preached by a Coptic bishop either in Arabic or a Coptic dialect and then was read by a deacon in English. The gospel message was presented as clearly in that homily as I have ever heard it presented in any "gospel" Evangelical church. I will leave you with the words from the chorus of the Coptic Resurrection hymn, "Very Early Sunday Morning," which we sang many times toward the end of the night:

Resurrection is my song,

Resurrection gave me life,

Resurrection made me strong,

Jesus, my Lord, is alive,

Resurrection made me strong,

Jesus, my Lord, is alive.

Amen.

Random Update...

So I get online at my local Starbucks, which is really my home away from home, and I look at my forlorn blog with its increasingly infrequent posts and I feel like I'm somehow abnegating some responsibility. I just haven't had anything I've felt strongly enough about to write about lately. School is starting to get crazy with two and a half weeks of exams coming up at the beginning of May. I went to the Army base at Los Alamitos yesterday and got ACU's, boots, rank and various other things I'll need for my Army training in Texas this summer. I also got my hair buzzed off so I could get my military identification. On the home-front I'm hoping to move into a house with four other guys from the med school next year so we checked out a great house in Loma Linda a few days ago. Church is going great as usual. There's a men's retreat coming up in a few weeks where Archbishop Orombi will be preaching. I had hoped to attend but my exams will unfortunately not allow for that. I finally checked out an Adventist church here in Loma Linda. It's a charismatic church so it's not really a taste of traditional Adventism but I liked it and had a wonderful time there worshiping my Lord. I read a book recently that my mom gave to me. It was interesting and good although I was slightly uncomfortable with certain parts of it. Maybe I'll write a blog about it later. On the lighter side, I was happy to catch my first episode of The Office in a long time a few days ago. Well, there you go. If you actually read through this blather I apologize. Until my next procrastination episode I bid you all Lebe wohl.

Palm Springs

On Martin Luther King Jr. day I decided to get out of town to study. I ended up in Palm Springs with four of my classmates. We spent the morning at a coffee shop and the rest of the day at an Italian restaurant. I got some good hours of studying in . . . I can now tell you about all of the many layers of your retina and cornea, among other things. As we were preparing to leave I noticed a beautiful shot of the moon, some clouds and two palm trees. Thankfully, I had my new digital camera my parents gave me for Christmas. I figured this picture was as good of a reason as any to start blogging again. I don't promise I'll be writing anything worth your time but expect a post now and again if you do choose to stop back by.

Street Evangelism 101

“For, ‘Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.’ How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can they preach unless they are sent? As it is written, ‘How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news.’”

Last night I went out for the second time to do street evangelism at a popular street-market in the nearby city of Redlands. I went with a classmate who invited me to go with him and some other men from his Bible church. I have felt a desire to do this for a while, especially after hearing of the exploits of my friends Josh and Tres in their experiences of taking the gospel to the streets. We handed out tracts and used “The Way of the Master” technique when we got to have a conversation with someone. This involves confronting a person with their own sinfulness in order to try to bring them to realizing their need for Christ. I like this method because I don’t think it is possible to come to salvation in Christ if we don’t even know what we are being saved from, that is, the wrath of God(Romans 5:9). Last night we got to pray for a number of non-Christians and we got to share the gospel with around nine or ten people. I haven’t seen anyone actually come to Christ in my two times of going out but I know that a lot of good seeds have been planted. For God’s word will not return empty. My hope is that I can eventually witness to people who will want to meet again later. It is certainly not the easiest or most enjoyable thing for me to go up to random people and preach the gospel but I am praying that God will give me courage and a greater compassion for the lost. What inspires me most about going out though is thinking of God’s glory and the worship that He deserves. I find particularly inspiring a quote from John Piper, “Missions exists because worship doesn't.”

Jesus Christ, Superfluous?

"...all things were created by him and for him."

Occasionally I hear a theology presented that just doesn't sit right with me even though I can't discern exactly why that is at first. This happened recently where I heard a theology presented which basically claimed that we have had a wrong understanding of the character of God and that Jesus' mission was to give us a correct understanding of God's character. Jesus' mission was to show that God is good and he is not a wrathful tyrant. In this system, sin was presented as a result of the misunderstanding. Part of the reason why I had a hard time articulating exactly what it was about this theology that seemed so wrong to me was that I agree that Jesus gives us a fuller and more accurate revelation of God's character than anything else. He is after all, God incarnate. But I think it becomes very problematic when Jesus' entire mission is reduced to revealing the character of God and sin is reduced to a misunderstanding. This system turns the Fall of Man into one big misunderstanding and, in my opinion, does away with any doctrine of the atonement, save perhaps Abelard's Moral Influence Theory. It seems to empty the cross of its power by its "human wisdom." (1st Cor. 1:17) To me it basically says, if Adam and Eve would have just had more or better knowledge then the Fall never would have occurred. Of course, it was desire for the knowledge of good and evil which led to the Fall in the first place.

Worst of all though, I think this system does away with the need for Christ. After all, if sin is just a misunderstanding, then it is conceivable that an especially intelligent or enlightened person might come to the conclusion that God is good even without ever knowing anything about Christ. Maybe he would conclude this because of the beauty of nature or the pleasures of life. In this case, Christ would be unnecessary. In fact, the way in which this system was presented suggested to me that many Unitarians and liberal New-Agers are probably more sanctified than most Christians because the kind of god they believe in might seem more loving (in human terms) than a God who would send a world-wide flood, destroy cities with fire or command His people to wage war. I think what was presented was a kind of salvation by knowledge instead of salvation based on our relationship with Jesus Christ. So if certain facts about who God is are what saves us then it seems that relationship with Jesus Christ becomes unimportant. Jesus is useful but ultimately superfluous in this system.

A few years ago, at Asbury, I heard one of my more liberal-leaning classmates present a similar system (in that Jesus was superfluous). He argued that someone who loves and serves his neighbor, but who has never heard of Christ, is a better Christian than someone who has been converted to faith in Christ but who isn't as compassionate or giving. This kind of argument can be good if it inspires us to seek greater holiness and obedience to God but ultimately it has the same horrible ending as that "salvation based on knowledge" argument. While in the first argument salvation was based on knowledge of some general facts about God, now salvation becomes based on some general good works. In both systems Jesus is useful because he reveals correct facts and spurs us on to good works but Jesus in both systems is ultimately superfluous. He is unnecessary.

The only kind of theological system that will not lead to this is a system that sees Jesus as the beginning and end of all things and that does not underestimate man's fallenness and therefore his need for Christ. Either the Fall and its effects can be undone by some new knowledge or works [the general] or else they can only be undone by a relationship with a particular Person, that is, the Lord Jesus Christ [the specific]. In this day and age, systems that make Jesus superfluous are attractive to many because they are less offensive to our liberal and pluralistic sensibilities. But any system where Jesus is superfluous is not a Christian system. Christ and His glory must be at the center of everything we believe and do.

Amen

He shouts with joy because you give him victory

The Lord has brought me through my second week of medical school exams. I am overwhelmed by his providence. He has blessed me and given me my heart's desires. I will proclaim the Lord Jesus Christ, His Cross, His Resurrection and His Salvation, until I leave this world which is not my home.

The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory. I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.

How the king rejoices in your strength, O Lord!
He shouts with joy because you give him victory.
For you have given him his heart’s desire;
you have withheld nothing he requested.

You welcomed him back with success and prosperity.
You placed a crown of finest gold on his head.
He asked you to preserve his life,
and you granted his request.
The days of his life stretch on forever.
Your victory brings him great honor,
and you have clothed him with splendor and majesty.
You have endowed him with eternal blessings
and given him the joy of your presence.
For the king trusts in the Lord.
The unfailing love of the Most High will keep him from stumbling.

An Exciting Sunday

Well, this weekend was very enjoyable as I went on a retreat with most of my classmates into the mountains and got to enjoy a great sermon poreached by a South African brother from the Reformed Episcopal Church at Inland Anglican Fellowship. The retreat was relaxing and was a great time of fellowship with my classmates. We had an intense game of ultimate frisbee, did some hiking, had a couple of worship services and got to see a very entertaining talent show. The highlight of the talent show for me was getting to hear the wife of one of our professors expertly play a Chinese instrument called the zither.

Church was great also. Our guest pastor preached on the story of the rich man and Lazarus. He went so far as to say that by not caring for the poor we are earning ourselves a place in hell. It might sound harsh but I think it is a message that Christians in a rich country need to hear over and over again. I know that I need to hear it... and act on it. To me what made the sermon so exciting though was that he shared about the Common Cause Partnership and the strong possibility that a united orthodox Anglican presence will arise in North America. He also warned that as this comes to together, fulfilling the hopes and dreams of many Anglicans, that we must guard against becoming prideful about it. I think any newfound unity between Christians can only come from the Holy Spirit as it seems that human effort only leads to more divisions or to the sickly kind of ecumenism we have seen in the past century that seems only to lead away from Christianity and toward liberalism.

A Week Unlike Any Other

This week my brain worked harder than any other week of my life. I never would have imagined that the human mind was capable of this much memorization in this short a period of time before doing this. I really can't imagine that there is anything else like it. It was my first week of medical school examinations. I had examinations in biochem, anatomy, physiology, histology, patient diagnosis and evidence based medicine. And thanks be to God, it went very very well. I didn't sleep very much, I consumed way too much caffeine, I didn't eat very well and I spent an average of eight hours a day studying while I wasn't taking exams. I began the week sleeping at night but by the end of the week my schedule of cat-naps had morphed into sleeping during the day after exams and then studying all night until the exam in the morning. For all of the suffering of this week, I can say that I now am very satisfied and have a strong sense of accomplishment. I actually like medical school. The Lord brought me here and He brought me through this. I give all credit to Him and I am thankful to all who prayed for me.

Evil Revisited

Well, the two comments I got on my last post inspired me to write again. So thanks Northern Plains Anglican and Anna! I was thinking of just letting my blog slip into hibernation mode, which still might happen, but right now I'm just going to try to post every week or two. Medical school is going well. The amount of information presented in lectures does make it somewhat like "drinking from a fire-hydrant" but I think, with God's help, I'll make it.

So my topic as you can see from my title is the problem of evil, theodicy. Just in reading my textbooks I'm constantly being confronted with "clinical correlates" which is basically every rare and horrible disease or syndrome you can imagine. Which leads me to cry out, "why God?" To some extent I know the answer: sin and separation from God. But I am still unsatisfied with my understanding of some of the horrible evils that occur as a result of little things like genetic mutations.

Here at Loma Linda we have required religion classes. So far they have been pretty good. We usually have some Scripture-reading assigned along with an article or two to read. We've also had two patients share. Both are Christians and both have a lot of suffering in their lives to deal with. The response of these two people were different but I found both inspiring. One of them feels robbed by what happened to him and he was unwilling to accept any simple explanations like Satan did it or that it was somehow God's will. I think he might still have some anger about it but with all of that he was still able to say that he has a close relationship with God. The other patient was actually able to see her circumstance as a gift from God, that had caused her to draw closer to God and witness to many. As she talked I was amazed by the amount of trust in God that she showed. She said something like, "if I stay here God will take care of me and if I don't stay here I go to my true home." Both of these people live with the "evil" in their lives in different ways and I'm not going to judge if one is better.

So when it comes down to it, the only thing in Scripture that completely defeats any "problem" of evil is Romans 8:18. Paul says, "I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us." Paul suffered a lot, which to me makes this statement all the stronger. Of course this statement only does away with the problem of evil for a person with enough faith to believe it. This level of trust in God is not always easy to have and I admit that I have struggled with it at times on my Christian journey. The wrongs and evils that are experienced in this world are, for the most part, not righted here. All we can do with them is give them to God, trusting in his Victory, Justice and Love which is being and will be revealed.

Amen

A Fearfully Wonderful Vapor

I've made it through the first few days of lectures pretty much unscathed. It is a definite change of pace from anything I've done before though. An amazing amount of information is presented in these lectures. I know that for me, figuring out my study strategy will be huge. So far I've read the textbooks, reviewed lecture notes and made some note cards but I think I have a long way to go in figuring out how to study for medical school. My experience in the hospital and the lectures I've attended have made me reflect a bit though on the nature of man.

In the hospital I was reminded of how frail and short human life is. I was reminded that everything in my body is getting older. This heart in my chest that seems so strong will become weak and will eventually stop. From the moment you come into existence as a zygote your life is fraught with peril. From without as well as from within. Truly as James said, "You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away," is true about us in our flesh. So thinking about these things have made me ponder where my hope is. Is it in the strength of my flesh? Is it in the pleasure that can be gained from my flesh? If that is where my hope is then it is no hope at all. For those things, strength, pleasure and whatever else is connected with the flesh will shortly pass away. Some of my charismatic friends taught me to speak of "strengthening the spirit-man" within me. It only makes sense to strengthen that which is eternal. Of course I know that there will be a resurrection and our resurrection bodies will not be corrupted but this flesh is weak and quickly passing, therefore make no provision for it.

The other thought that has been running through my mind is the utter stupidity and blindness of the idea that we got here by chance. It is insanity to think such a thing. It seems to me that such a thought is a sin of great magnitude and I will confess that there was a time when I committed it. We are fearfully and wonderfully made. Praise God for it.

Amen

One Week In

Well, I don't have too much to say other than that things are going great and I have loved my experience so far at Loma Linda. Right now I'm getting "ward experience" where I'm in the hospital hanging out with a team, seeing everything they do and taking part in some things. This has been a great experience and I got matched with a very helpful third-year student so I've been very thankful for his advice. Lectures start on the 20th so in a way that's when the rubber really hits the road. I'm hoping that my blog will not go dormant at that time. I'm sure that there will at least be short updates like this one and also hopefully some more lengthy pieces. The last week has also been a very good time spiritually. I decided not to get a TV and I don't really have any friends or homework yet so I've been reading some really great books, like this one, in my free-time and praying more than I have in the past.

The Sign of the Skunk and New Church Families...

It's a strange title, huh? I thought about writing two separate blogs but I decided just to combine tow events that happened in the last two days...

Last night I decided to go for a walk. It was already dark but I went for a walk around Loma Linda Hospital and the campus of the university. I was ascending the stairs to my apartment in the near pitch-black darkness when I became aware of movement about three feet off to my left. I stared at what had moved and in the darkness it looked like a small plant. There are lots of plants near my apartment but I knew that this thing had just moved and made a sound. I stared at it for a second, barely able to see its dark outline. I starting walking again toward my door and it also moved. I looked back and I could clearly see two white stripes against a darker color. I hurried away a bit quicker, not wishing to smell of skunk when I start in the hospital on Monday. I was struck right away though by the appearance of a skunk outside my door as I start medical school. I was struck because two years earlier I had a nearly identical experience. On perhaps my first night at Asbury Theological Seminary I was walking back to Grice from Solomon's Porch and a skunk walked right in front of my dormitory. So I don't know what this means but it does seem a strange coincidence.

More importantly, today I found the church that I will most likely worship in for the next four years. It is Inland Anglican Fellowship of Highland, California. Inland Anglican Fellowship is a church-plant of St. James Anglican at Newport Beach which is under the authority of the Archbishop of Uganda. So I've moved from Rwanda to Uganda and continue to be thankful for the institutional connection with my African brothers and sisters. The people were extremely friendly and it was wonderful to be fed with Spiritual Food in the Sacrament of Jesus Christ's Body and Blood.

A New Home...

I haven't written for a while as this week has been a time of extreme transition for me. I moved from Battle Ground, Washington to Loma Linda, California, where I'm attending medical school. I found an apartment on Wednesday and have been moving in for the last couple of days, with a lot of help from my parents who also came down. As I sat through orientation on Thursday and Friday my emotions ran the gamut from, "what have I gotten myself into," to "this is where I'm supposed to be." I'm closer to the second state of mind right now and hopefully I stay there. I've been impressed once again with the people here at the medical school. Loma Linda identifies itself as a Christian medical school and certainly is one. The Christianity I have seen in the administrators and professors who spoke to us during the orientation was evangelical, Bible-believing and not watered-down. I appreciate that. One thing that made me feel good during my orientation was during a presentation on the history of Loma Linda. What really struck me, though, was one of the medical procedures that was pioneered at Loma Linda. That procedure is the infant heart transplant which was first performed at Loma Linda in 1984 by Dr. Leonard L. Bailey.

When people apply to medical school, one question that is frequently asked is, "have any of your loved ones suffered from a disease that inspired you to practice medicine." When I saw this question, I answered, "no." I mean, I've had people I loved who died, like my grandparents, but they lived long, healthy lives so I didn't really think of them when the question was asked. But I do have a little brother who died. His name is Daniel Conrad Perkins and he was born a year or two after me. I don't know if I ever even saw him. His life on this earth was very short. One of the few and perhaps the only time I ever saw my father cry was when he told me about Daniel. So when I saw that Loma Linda had pioneered infant heart transplants I was deeply struck. For my little brother, Daniel, had been born with a heart defect which killed him. So this and one other thing, that is the Proton Center at Loma Linda, caused my excitement about someday practicing medicine to rise back up within me. During the last few days I have been somewhat overwhelmed by stress and uncertainty about my ability to excel here. But that one presentation on the history and uniqueness of Loma Linda once again inspired me. So I am excited. I want to find a cure for cancer. Give me a couple of years.

The walkway leading up to my apartment

My living room/bedroom

The Kitchen

Loma Linda Medical Center

ACCEPTED!

I got into med school. Loma Linda that is. Orientation starts August second. I'm very excited but I know that I will miss Asbury greatly, I've grown to love it here.

Back From Loma Linda

My experience in Loma Linda turned out to be a very good one. I felt very good about my interviews and the med-school did a good job of welcoming and feeding us. The funniest question I was asked during my interviews was, "Why should I let you date my daughter?" I also met some interesting people during my travels. I sat next to an Ethiopian guy on my flight there. We talked a little about Orthodoxy and the political situation in Ethiopia. My taxi driver from the airport in Ontario to the school was an Armenian guy. I tried to get him to talk religion but I think he was kind of avoiding the subject. I ended up waiting at the airport for about nine hours before my return flight to Kentucky. One other guy arrived very early for the flight. He was 75 and had farmed pistachios in the San Joaquin valley in southern California. Here are some pictures from my trip: Looking out at the campus.

Foreground: Good Samaritan Sculpture, background: The medical center.

The Chapel. I tried to get in but the door was locked.
Another view of the medical center.
I wore this suit for 27 hours, from 8 in the morning in California to 2 in the afternoon when I got back to Asbury....the shirt probably should be washed.
I like the look of these mountains. I guarantee that if I go to school here, these mountains will be thoroughly explored.