Bishop Guernsey visits Christ's Church

This Sunday we were honored at Christ's Church to have Bishop John Guernsey preach and celebrate the liturgy with us. Bishop Guernsey spoke of how in many African churches it is customary to hear testimonies before the sermon and he then proceeded to give his own testimony as his sermon. In many ways I could identify with what he had to say. He talked about growing up in a church where conversion and the power of the Holy Spirit were not emphasized. He talked of the belief he had that there must be something more in this relationship with God and how he eventually found this through a woman at a church he was pastoring who had been filled with the Holy Spirit. After preaching, Bishop Guernsey led the congregation in a prayer of recommitment to Christ and of inviting a greater infilling of the Holy Spirit. I was very impressed with what the Bishop had to say and his obvious gift for preaching. The music also seemed especially good today and I got to sing one of my favorite hymns, "Holy, Holy, Holy."

Pentecost

But Oh, this power could not be bought. All the money in the world could not have purchased it, but to those who humble themselves in lowliness and in sincerity before the Lord shall the Spirit be given freely without money and without price. Oh, tell me, Peter and Paul, tell me John and James, and all you who received this mighty incoming of the Holy Ghost with its attendant power and glory, may we, in this 20th century, receive this like precious gift, or did the Holy Spirit empty Himself of all His power in the apostolic days? Did you consume all of these supernatural wondrous blessings, or did you leave enough to spare for us today?

"Yes, indeed," they answer in unison. "Heaven is not bankrupt. Heaven's storehouse still is full. The Holy Spirit has never lost his power, the promise is unto them that are afar off, even as many as the Lord our God shall call. Did not our Lord say: 'When He is come, He shall abide with you forever'? Doubt no longer, but with open heart ask ye of the Lord rain in the time of the latter rain. Remember these words of Joel the prophet: 'It shall come to pass in the last days,' saith God, 'I will pour out My Spirit upon all flesh.' Remember, too, that when the high priest went in the Holy of Holies the bells rang, and the high priest came out the bells rang again. When Jesus ascended up on high the bells rang and the people spoke with tongues and magnified God. Now this same Jesus, our high priest, is coming forth again for his waiting church, and on earth the bells are ringing, the latter rain is falling, and again those who have received the old-time power speak with other tongues."

- Aimee Semple McPherson 

I Love My Church

My new church-home, Inland Anglican Fellowship, continues to amaze me. It is truly just what I had hoped to find when I moved here. People there tend to be very open to all of the gifts of the Holy Spirit including speaking in tongues. I really appreciate the charismatic in the context of the liturgical and sacramental. Some people from my church are even headed up to Redding to Bethel Church in a few weeks where I experienced God’s miraculous power earlier this summer.

One of my fellow parishioners named Fred was kind enough to give me a book about when the charismatic renewal broke out into the Episcopal Church in the 1960’s. Actually, we traded books, he’s borrowing my copy of “The New Mystics.” The book Fred lent me is called “Nine O’Clock in the Morning,” and is written by Father Dennis Bennett. Father Bennett had been a priest in Van Nuys but moved to Seattle where he introduced many to the Baptism of the Holy Spirit. The book is a very inspirational read and shows what an openness to God’s power can do in a person. One thing I appreciate is how Father Bennett describes the Baptism of the Holy Spirit. He says that Baptism in the Holy Spirit is not more of the Holy Spirit in a Christian, as every true Christian has the Holy Spirit in them. He says that Baptism of the Holy Spirit is the Holy Spirit having more of the individual Christian. I think that he is correct and I think that this theology undoes a lot of what can seem problematic to some about this Baptism.

Two other things in the book so far have struck me quite deeply. One place is where Father Bennett describes a conference of the Assemblies of God at which he spoke at. Concerning the Pentecostal ministers there he said, “Few of these good men had what my church would consider adequate theological training, but I had more than an inkling that they were my superiors in the training that matters: knowing the Lord, and his ways.” It can be hard, as a seminary educated man, to admit that this is, in fact, true. But I learned this summer that it was most certainly true. I learned it while I was at Bethel Church in Redding with some friends from the Foursquare church I attend in Battle Ground. While I was there I became convinced that one of my friends was actually my spiritual superior. He had been in the school of the Holy Spirit while I had attempted by my striving and “knowing” more about God to draw closer to Him. I don’t think it works that way. Academics is no substitute for simply resting in the Presence of God. Please don’t misunderstand me though. Asbury Theological Seminary is a wonderful place, which I will always see as a home away from home, and God changed my life greatly for the better there. I think a person can be in “the school of the Holy Spirit” while in seminary but usually the two do not go together.

Another thing that struck me deeply was a passage on how the Baptism of the Holy Spirit affected Father Bennett’s view of the Bible. Bennett had been educated at a liberal seminary and steeped in higher criticism of the Bible. Before his Holy Spirit Baptism Father Bennett said that, “to accept the Scriptures in their entirety as the work of the Holy Spirit was foreign to anything I had been taught, and yet that is exactly what I found myself being pressed to do as I continued in the life of the Spirit.” At one point in a meeting, where a minister who doubted the veracity of Scripture was present, a woman spoke in tongues and it was translated by another in the room as, “This is my Book! This is my Book! You read my Book! Don’t criticize my Book! Just read my Book! For I am the Lord! I am the Lord! I am the Lord!” That was so powerful to me to read because I have noticed this summer, since my experience at Bethel that my own respect for the Word has greatly increased. I actually prayed at one point this summer, “Lord, help me to really believe the Bible.” To some of you this may seem strange coming from me. I am a very conservative person so you might not think that I would have a problem believing the words of Scripture. But I think that I was so steeped in the lies of liberal theology from my past that many of those lies took root and I really did doubt the truthfulness of portions of Scripture. I knew that it was where I had met Jesus but I still didn’t necessarily believe the veracity of some Old Testament miracles or maybe every word that is presented as having been spoken by Christ. But when you begin to see real miracles taking place today it is much easier to believe that God perfectly inspired the Bible and preserved in perfectly for today.

Medical school is going well, I hope. My first exams are the week after next. I’m already feeling guilty for having taken this much of a break from studying so maybe in a week or two I’ll post something new.

The Joy of the Lord

Last Friday night I was in prayer and worship with my friends Josh, Lacie, Stacy, and Ross who had been the preacher at Fan The Flame. I had started the evening at the Seppala's barn in Hockinson in a time of soaking prayer. On my drive there I had prayed to God something like, "Lord, I have had small tastes of your Presence, of your joy, but tonight I want to be overwhelmed, let me be drunk in your Presence." I got the feeling even up at the barn that the evening would be different. I felt God's Presence strongly and I felt deep and powerful joy in his Presence. We drove down to Ross' house in Vancouver and we began a time of worship and soaking. I was sitting on a couch with my eyes closed, singing a song of praise to God. I don't want to claim a "vision" in what happened next. It's hard to tell where the imagination ends and where the supernatural vision begins. Whatever it was, I believe that God was in it and I believe that He communicated truth to me in it...

I saw myself in heaven. I was prostrate, on my face in worship, in the presence of God. I knew that this was the proper posture. It was all very serious. But then something happened. Jesus came up to me and He touched my outstretched hand. I looked up at Him and he was laughing joyfully. I mean, seriously, out-of-control joyfully. He was even dancing around. He looked at me and what I felt he communicated was, "Reality is this good. It is so good that I can't do anything but be overwhelmed by joy." Another aspect of it was that the way He looked at me, it was almost like it was our secret, this joy. It was so intimate, so friendly. Another thing I remember is that He showed me His hand. It was nail scarred. I had the feeling that He was showing me that He had bought me and that His scars showed that all that seriousness had been taken care of. Now was the time to rejoice. I began to laugh. I was just sitting there on that couch, praise music playing, just laughing for like five minutes. I kept thinking about the way He looked at me and the way He laughed. I've had that image of Jesus in my mind since Friday. I am very thankful to Him for it.

Discernment, Dwarfs and Digory

Okay, I know the title's a bit dorky but I couldn't help it. A series on discernment has materialized on this blog and now I have something to write that I really believe is from God. Of course, use your discernment as you read, but as I prepared to write it I got the funny feeling that God was saying, "Hey Matt, open your eyes, you've had it wrong." So here goes:

When is "discernment" really just cynicism? When is "discernment" just bowing down to the lies of enlightenment, materialistic thought? When does "discernment" get in the way of the supernatural and the unexpected? Can what we might think of as "discernment" really be a lie from Satan that keeps us away from God's blessing? I think it can. I think fear of the new and the miraculous and a cynical state of mind, unwilling to accept amazing and unexpected blessings from God, is often labeled as a discerning mind. I am guilty of all of these things. Lord help me to repent.

In "The Last Battle," the final book in his "The Chronicles of Narnia," C.S. Lewis includes a peculiar story of a group of Dwarfs who have come into Heaven from Narnia. They enter through a stable door. Chapter thirteen of The Last Battle begins with King Tirian, Peter, Lucy and Edmund Pevensie, Eustace, and Lord Digory and Lady Polly beginning to explore the paradise that is Heaven. Tirian and Eustace, like the dwarfs, entered Heaven through the stable door from Narnia. The Pevensies, Digory and Polly were all killed in a train accident on earth and are now in Heaven. Heaven is described by Lewis, thus: "They stood on grass, the deep blue sky was overhead, and the air which blew gently on their faces was that of a day in early summer. Not far away from them rose a grove of trees, thickly leaved, but under every leaf there peeped out gold or faint yellow or purple or glowing red of fruits such as no one has seen in our world. . . Everyone raised up his hand to pick the fruit he best liked the look of, and then everyone paused for a second. This fruit was so beautiful that each felt 'It can't be meant for me . . . surely we're not allowed to pluck it.' 'It's all right,' said Peter. 'I know what we're all thinking. But I'm sure, quite sure, we needn't. I've a feeling we've got to the country where everything is allowed.' 'Here goes then!' said Eustace. And they all began to eat. What was the fruit like? Unfortunately no one can describe it. All I can say is that, compared with those fruits, the freshest grapefruit you've ever eaten was dull, and the juiciest orange was dry, and the most melting pear was hard and woody, and the sweetest wild strawberry was sour."

Lewis' description here is somewhat reminiscent of his description in "The Great Divorce," with the fruit in Heaven being more real than any fruit on earth.

But the Dwarfs also entered Heaven through the stable door. Lucy leads the group to the Dwarfs and this is what they see: "They weren't strolling about or enjoying themselves . . . nor were they lying down and having a rest. They were sitting very close together in a little circle facing one another. They never looked round or took any notice of the humans till Lucy and Tirian were almost near enough to touch them. Then the Dwarfs all cocked their heads as if they couldn't see anyone but were listening hard and trying to guess by the sound what was happening.
'Look out!' said one of them in a surly voice. 'Mind where you're going. Don't walk into our faces!'
'All right!' said Eustace indignantly. 'We're not blind. We've got eyes in our heads.'
'They must be darn good ones if you can see in here,' said the same Dwarf whose name was Diggle.
'In where?' asked Edmund.
'Why you bone head, in here of course,' said Diggle. 'In this pitch-black, poky, smelly little hole of a stable.'
'Are you blind?' said Tirian.
'Ain't we all blind in the dark!' said Diggle.
'But it isn't dark, you poor stupid Dwarfs,' said Lucy. 'Can't you see? Look up! Look around! Can't you see the sky and the trees and the flowers? Can't you see me?'
'How in the name of all Humbug can I see what ain't there? And how can I see you any more than you can see me in this pitch darkness?'
'But I can see you,' said Lucy. 'I'll prove I can see you. You've got a pipe in your mouth.'
'Anyone that knows the smell of baccy could tell that,' said Diggle.
'Oh the poor things! This is dreadful,' said Lucy. Then she had an idea. She stooped and picked some wild violets. 'Listen, Dwarf,' she said. 'Even if your eyes are wrong, perhaps your nose is all right: can you smell that?' She leaned across and held the fresh, damp flowers to Diggle's ugly nose. But she had to jump back quickly in order to avoid a blow from his hard little fist.
'None of that!' he shouted. 'How dare you! What do you mean by shoving a lot of filthy stable-litter in my face? There was a thistle in it too.'

So the Dwarfs, who in reality are in Heaven, have so deluded themselves and are so cynical that they can't see the blue sky, the grass, the trees or even the light of heaven. They also have their rationalizations ready. When Lucy tries to prove to them that they are in the light by telling Diggle that he's smoking a pipe he just explains it away by saying that she could smell the tobacco. Because of the Dwarfs' unbelief, they can't see Heaven even though they are in it.

For you poor souls unfamiliar with Narnia, Aslan is a Great Lion and the character who represents Jesus Christ, God incarnate. Soon after the events described above, Aslan comes along. Here's the scene: ". . . but as he spoke the earth trembled. The sweet air grew suddenly sweeter. A brightness flashed behind them. All turned. Tirian turned last because he was afraid. There stood his heart's desire, huge and real, the golden Lion, Aslan himself, and already the others were kneeling in a circle round his forepaws and burying their hands and faces in his mane as he stooped his great head to touch them with his tongue. Then he fixed his eyes upon Tirian, and Tirian came near, trembling, and flung himself at the Lion's feet, and the Lion kissed him and said, 'Well done, last of the Kings of Narnia who stood firm at the darkest hour.'"

Isn't that a beautiful picture of intimacy with God?

Lucy asks Aslan to help the Dwarfs. Aslan answers, "I will show you both what I can, and what I cannot, do."

"He came close to the Dwarfs and gave a low growl: low, but it set all the air shaking. But the Dwarfs said to one another, 'Hear that? That's the gang at the other end of the stable. Trying to frighten us. They do it with a machine of some kind. Don't take any notice. They won't take us in again!'
Aslan raised his head and shook his mane. Instantly a glorious feast appeared on the Dwarfs knees: pies and tongues and pigeons and trifles and ices, and each Dwarf had a goblet of good wine in his right hand. But it wasn't much use. They began eating and drinking eagerly enough, but it was clear that they couldn't taste it properly. They thought they were eating and drinking only the sort of things you might find in a stable. One said he was trying to eat hay and another said he had got a bit of an old turnip and a third said he'd found a raw cabbage leaf. And they raised golden goblets of rich red wine to their lips and said 'Ugh! Fancy drinking dirty water out of a trough that a donkey's been at! Never thought we'd come to this.' . . . 'Well at any rate there's no Humbug here. We haven't let anyone take us in. The Dwarfs are for the Dwarfs.'
'You see,' said Aslan. 'They will not let us help them. They have chosen cunning instead of belief. Their prison is only in their own minds, yet they are in that prison; and so afraid of being taken in that they cannot be taken out. But come, children. I have other work to do.'"

Does it not break your heart? It didn't break my heart before but it does now for some reason. I think it's because I'm beginning to think most Christians, including myself, are like those Dwarfs. We're so cunning and so afraid of being 'taken in.' And why do we feel this way? Because of pride and fear. We don't want to look foolish. It seems foolish to believe that people get drunk in the Spirit and see angels and visit heaven. It seems foolish that God would cause something to materialize in thin air and fall on the worshippers at a church in California. But, "Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world?" "For since in the wisdom of God the world through its wisdom did not know him, God was pleased through the foolishness of what was preached to save those who believe." Are we not, "Fools for Christ?" But, "The foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom." If we say we believe the Bible and in the Bible people saw and conversed with angels, became like dead men in God's presence, received revelations and were caught up to the third heaven then why do we doubt now? Why do I doubt now? Lord, free me from my unbelief! When we trust people we risk being hurt. We risk believing lies. We risk admiring a fake. But does that mean that we should not trust? That we should not believe? That is the choice many of us make. But what are we missing? What feasts that God is laying before us do we see as 'stable litter?' What new wine do we see as trough-water? And what is the feast? What is the wine? The Psalmist says, "You are my portion, O Lord." Jesus said, "For my Flesh is real food and my Blood is real drink. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me, and I in him." God is our portion.

Jesus said to Thomas, to Thomas who wouldn't believe the words of his own brothers and sisters that his Lord had been raised. He said to Thomas who had heard Jesus' own words predicting his resurrection, "blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed." It all seemed too good to be true to Thomas. He knew that those other disciples wanted so badly for the resurrection to be true - maybe they had just imagined something and convinced one another of its truth. Thomas knew that people don't normally rise from the dead. But he also knew his Lord. He also knew the words of his Lord. He had been in close company with the other disciples for years. Yet he didn't trust any of that. It was too good to be true. He wasn't going to be 'taken in.' Thankfully Thomas' case wasn't as bad as the Dwarfs in the story. He did believe after he saw and touched his Lord and there proclaimed, "My Lord and my God!"

Let us not be so cunning in our "discernment" that we choose it over belief.

Amen

Didache on Discernment

Intro:
So I was working today, doing construction and continuing to ponder discernment. And suddenly I remembered something I had read long ago in a wonderful work called the Didache. Didache simply means "Teaching" in Greek and it is a short work that may have been written as early as the first century. When the canon of Scripture was being formulated, some Church Fathers even argued for its inclusion in the New Testament. I think texts like the Didache, even though they should never be placed on the same level of Scripture when it comes to authority, should have a privileged place when we are seeking the will of God.

Teachings of the Didache:
The Didache is a very interesting text. An important theme is the idea of the "Two Ways." The Didache says, "Two Ways there are, one of Life and one of Death, and there is a great difference between the Two Ways." The way of life is summarized as, "First, love God who made you, secondly, your neighbor as yourself: do not do to another what you do not wish to be done to yourself." One thing that would be nice if the Didache had been included in the NT would be its prohibition of abortion. The Didache says, "do not kill a fetus by abortion, or commit infanticide." Although I'm sure that even if this were in the Bible, the loving, tolerant liberals would just ignore it like they do the rest of Scripture... Okay off the liberal thing... Later there is an interesting instruction on the sacraments. The instruction on baptism says that the candidate should fast prior to their baptism and that it should take place in running water. If no running water is available then cold water should be used and if there's not enough water to dunk then a baptism could be done by pouring water on the head thrice and baptizing in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. There is a powerful and, I think, correct admonition against open communion, "Let no one eat and drink of your Eucharist but those baptized in the name of the Lord; to this, too, the saying of the Lord is applicable: 'Do not give to dogs what is sacred.'"

Discernment:
The Didache begins its teaching on discernment by saying, "should the teacher himself be a turncoat and teach a different doctrine so as to undermine (this teaching), do not listen to him. But if he promotes holiness and knowledge of the Lord, welcome him as the Lord." So discernmet begins with knowing what good doctrine is and avoiding any teacher who does not believe in and teach good doctrine. In the context of the Didache, good doctrine seems to be the teaching on the "Two Ways" which encompasses Christ's moral teaching and also the instruction on the sacraments. Good doctrine is also described here as a doctrine of holiness and the knowledge of the Lord.

Now to the interesting stuff: "Moreover, if any prophet speaks in ecstasy, do not test him or entertain any doubts; for any sin may be forgiven, but this sin cannot be forgiven. However, not everyone speaking in ecstasy is a prophet, except he has the ways of the Lord about him. So by their ways must the true and the false prophet be distinguished. No prophet who in an ecstasy orders the table spread, must partake of it; otherwise, he is a false prophet. Any prophet that teaches truth, yet does not live up to his teaching, is a false prophet. When a prophet, once approved as genuine, does something by way of symbolizing the Church in an earthly manner, yet does not instruct others to do all that he himself is doing, he is not liable to your judgment, for his judgment rests with God. After all, the Prophets of old acted in the same manner. But if anyone says in ecstasy, "Give me money," or something else, you must not listen to him. However, should he tell you to give something for others who are in need, let no one condemn him."

There's a lot of good stuff there. The first admonition is strong and convicting, equating doubting the words of a prophet with the unforgivable sin of blaspheming the Holy Spirit seen in the NT. The primary standard of discernment seems to be the way the prophet lives his life. Does the prophet have, "the ways of the Lord about him?" Even if a prophet teaches truth, if he hypocritically does not live up to that teaching, he must be considered a false prophet. Instances where a prophet says something for their own gain, like ordering food (having a table spread before them) or asking for money are fundamentals in distinguishing true from false prophets.

For true prophets, the Didache establishes a high place of honor: "Every genuine prophet who is willing to settle among you is entitled to his support. Likewise, every genuine teacher is, like a laborer, entitled to his support. Therefore, take all first fruits of vintage and harvest, of cattle and sheep, and give these first fruits to the prophets; for they are your high priests."

In discerning who should be in leadership in the Church, the Didache teaches, "elect for yourselves bishops and deacons, men who are an honor to the Lord, of gentle disposition, not attached to money, honest and well-tried; for they, too, render you the sacred service of the prophets and teachers."

Near the end of the text is a warning and a retelling of our blessed hope, "For in the last days the false prophets and corrupters will come in swarms; the sheep will turn into wolves, and love will turn to hate. When lawlessness is on the increase, men will hate and persecute and betray one another; and the Deceiver of this world will appear, claiming to be the Son of God, and give striking exhibitions of power; the earth will be given over into his hands, and he will perpetrate outrages such as have never taken place since the world began. Then humankind will undergo the fiery test, and many will lose their faith and perish; but those who stand firm in their faith will be saved by none other than the Accursed. And then the proofs of the truth will appear; the first proof, an opening of the heavens; the next proof, the sounding of the trumpet; and the third, the resurrection of the dead - not all indeed, but in accordance with the saying: The Lord will come and all the saints with Him. Finally, the world will behold the Lord riding the clouds in the sky."

May we heed this warning and stand firm even in the midst of false prophets and wolves.

Amen

Discernment, discernment, discernment...

If you keep up with this blog, you have noticed a change lately. I would say that there has been a revolution in my mind and I'm still trying to figure out exactly what that revolution is. Maybe some of you have been troubled by my "slide" into charismatic Christianity. I've actually quite enjoyed the slide but I do have some serious reservations about the way things are in some charismatic circles. For me it all comes down to discernment. What is from God and what is not? I think a very wrong attitude to have is that every time someone claims a revelation or vision or prophecy or whatever we just accept it. This should not be. Things need to be tested. I'm still trying to figure this out. Charismatic Christianity has a great strength in that it is open to the miraculous and so the miraculous does occur. People are healed, people see visions, people prophesy and other weird stuff happens. But I feel like I see a serious weakness in a lack of discernment and a willingness to accept whatever claims people make about healings, visions and so on. I'm glad that I have friends whom I can trust and that these friends have experienced some of those various things. Heck, I've experienced them so I can't deny them. The way I feel right now makes me so thankful for my experience in the Anglican Church and it drives me to stay in that place. Even though I love the Foursquare church I go to when I'm home, I think that Pentecostalism + Congregationalism it probably not a good thing. I should read Cantalamessa's book on the baptism of the Holy Spirit. Maybe that will help. Well, I hope you enjoyed my rambling. God bless you all.

Two Weeks After Bethel

Warning: The post you are about to read is very rambling and not very 'to the point.' If you don't like that kind of thing, please come back later.

I felt like posting something today and considered a number of things but I felt like this would be easiest. Almost two weeks ago I was at the "On Earth as it is in Heaven" conference at Bethel Church in Redding, California. When I got back I wrote that I felt that my life had been changed there. I still think so. Yesterday I went cliff-jumping and swimming at Moulton Falls on the Lewis River with both of the friends I went with, Josh Monen and Lacie Seppala along with some other people. It was a great time. There is a waterfall there which falls about 15 feet with a chute of white water about 25 feet long. You can jump right into that chute and get shot out of there which is a lot of fun. It takes some courage to jump into it for the first time though. So back to Bethel... Lacie and I talked for a while yesterday, talking about the changes that have taken place since then. Lacie said that since that time, she's felt addicted to God. I feel similarly. I'm obsessed with getting closer to God, which is good but also painful at times. I think Christianity is the opposite of a religion like Buddhism in this way. In Buddhism, of course, there is the goal of the cessation of desire or craving in order to escape suffering. In Christianity I think the more we desire God, the more we are prepared for Heaven where that desire will be fulfilled for eternity. We also discussed a newfound freedom we've both felt since the conference. We agreed that this freedom came from a new level of joy in our lives. When it comes to freedom, I've felt a new level of control in my thought life where certain temptations that regularly assailed me before have either ceased or decreased markedly. May it continue to be so! I pray that this new joy will spill over into the lives of those I'm around. I think it already has to some degree at work. I firmly believe that we are "blessed to be a blessing" so I don't want to keep this stuff to myself, I want to share it. I think I have become newly aware of an area of sin in my life though and that is a lack of trust. I've found that I have a hard time trusting people and even God. I still feel like I have to earn people's friendship and God's blessings. The good thing is that God always makes me aware of something like this before he changes it. Well, life has turned into quite the adventure in the last two weeks. I'm very excited about moving to California and hopefully getting into a good Anglican church there. I miss liturgy and the Eucharist. Lord, bring on the revival!

The Making of a Charismatic or “Fan the Flame”

Some of you who know me well know a bit of my Christian journey. I was baptized as an infant at Ontario United Methodist Church in Ontario, Oregon and I asked Jesus to be my Savior when I was 13. I remained a very immature but zealous Christian until college. In college I wanted to party so I decided to become a liberal “Christian.” God by his grace brought me back to the faith with some relationships, some books and with my own inner struggle. For the next few years, while I was a youth pastor at a United Methodist church, I tried to embrace mainstream Evangelicalism. It was actually a very good time where God’s presence was very evident in my life and where I began to ask the Holy Spirit to take control of my prayer. I felt called to seminary and went to Asbury where I was richly blessed by God.

God messed with me a lot during my first year at Asbury. I came out of that year broken. I struggled regularly with fits of depression and anxiety. I told a friend that I felt “weak.” I also struggled with doubt a lot during that time. There were weeks when I had to will myself into being a Christian. But during that time God continued to meet me, I would say, miraculously. When I returned home to Washington from seminary in 2006 I was invited by a good friend and brother in Christ, Josh Monen, to a church service that was a ministry of a local Pentecostal church. The ministry was called ‘Fan the Flame,’ taken from 2nd Timothy 1:6 - “For this reason, I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands.” I was suffering the first time I went. The service was held in a barn in the countryside not far from my house. We worshipped and there was a short message. Then there was a prayer time. A family went up to be prayed for and I imagined that the service would wind down and I would talk with my friend for a while and go home. But that’s not what happened. As I said, I was suffering. I was standing about halfway back in the congregation, minding my own business, when the guy who had preached, Ross, pointed at me and said something like, “you need prayer.” He couldn’t have been more right. I went up and balled my eyes out before a whole congregation of people (something I had never done before and couldn’t imagine myself doing) while brothers and sisters layed on hands, prayed, prophesied and spoke in tongues. I asked for healing and I received it. I was free of the frightening depression and anxiety that had plagued me for months and it has not returned since. That was the first miracle of that summer. Fan the Flame continued to amaze me throughout the summer. I’ve commented to Josh that Fan the Flame has been the only place where, on a Monday, I was excited about what might happen at church on Sunday that week. There were a number of amazing things that happened that summer but one other thing is worthy of note. I’ve mentioned it on this blog before. One Sunday we had a guest preacher at Fan the Flame. I came to the service as usual not knowing what to expect but excited about what God had in store for that night. After he had preached, the guest preacher began telling random people from the congregation to stand up. He would then lay his hand on their head, pray, speak in tongues and prophecy. I am a skeptic. My natural reaction to every situation is to find a naturalistic explanation. I was skeptical about this preacher. I didn’t want him to prophesy over me because I loved Fan the Flame and I knew that if he said something that wasn’t true, I would be devastated. He walked down the center aisle, pointed at me and said, “stand up!” I obeyed and he began to speak in tongues and prophecy. He said something to the effect of “you have been hurt by a church in the past and you still need to forgive them.” First of all, I was happy that what he said was true. But I was also able to remain skeptical because I thought to myself, “lot’s of people have been hurt by churches - he could probably have said that to three quarters of the people here.” The fact was that I had been hurt by a church - the liberal church I had grown up in. But I thought I had forgiven the people there. After the service I went up to the preacher, Frank, and I let him know that what he said was true but that I felt like I had already forgiven those people. He looked at me and said something like, “I have something more to tell you - you are bitter about that church and that bitterness is affecting your theology.” I was surprised about having been contradicted but two words he used surprised me. The two words were “bitter” and “theology.” As I thought about it, I realized that this guy who didn’t even know me told me the same thing that the guy who knows me best, Blake Brodien, had been telling me for months at seminary. Blake had been telling me that I was bitter about liberalism and this ‘prophet’ now said the same thing. The other word that struck me was “theology.” This struck me because I was studying theology - and bitterness certainly was affecting it. In fact, I’d be willing to say that bitterness about liberalism was the primary force driving my theology. As you can imagine, that is a pretty unhealthy source of theology. As I thought about this true prophet’s words I grew more and more amazed. I was so amazed that I later asked my friend Josh whether he had talked to this preacher about me before the service - he hadn’t. On further thought, another aspect of the words of this prophet which struck me was that what he had to say was what I really needed to hear. At the service, before he prophesied over me, I had thought about what God would probably want to say to me through a prophet. I thought about the obvious struggles with sin in my life. I thought about lust among other things. But the struggle that this prophet hit me with was something that was very real but also something that I was in denial about. Hearing that I was bitter from him made me finally listen up after my best friend had been telling me the same thing for months. I would be lying if I said that the bitterness was gone - it’s not. But I’m aware of it and I realize that stoking it and feeding on it is keeping me in a kind of bondage that God wants me to be free of.

In my experience with Pentecostalism, I have seen little of what seems so problematic to those on the outside. That’s not to say that the problems aren’t real. But in my experience, Pentecostals are a group of people who value intimacy with God above all else, who believe the Bible and who are willing to live self-sacrificial lives. They are also aware of the marvelous and miraculous ways in which God acts in people’s lives today and they expect miracles in their churches. I believe that God honors this openness to His power by doing amazing things in Pentecostal churches.

Manifestations of God's Presence

What follows is some rambling birthed out of my experience at Bethel Church in Redding California at a conference I was at from the 20th to the 22nd of June, 2007. It is part of an attempt to work through some profound changes in thinking I am dealing with as a result of the conference.

I am a skeptical person. When I see something or hear something, my first impulse is to look for the naturalistic explanation. This might be a sin. If it is, I pray that God will correct my thinking. I know that there have been charlatans in the history of the church, especially its recent history. There have been those who have claimed to be faith-healers who were fakes and I'm sure that many "miracles" have been staged by certain people looking to gain because of their follower's credulity.

With that said, I have come to realize that miraculous and even peculiar manifestations of God's presence should not be discounted simply because of the sins of some evil men. I saw what might be called a "peculiar" manifestation in Redding at Bethel Church. It was the last night of the conference so I decided to go up front in the church for worship. As we worshipped, material of some sort began to fall in the sanctuary. At times more material would be falling than at others. Some pieces wafted down slowly and would even move upwards in the air if caught in a slight gust of wind from the waving hands of the worshippers below. But there were other pieces that just fell. They couldn't have been blown up towards the ceiling by any force of wind present in the sanctuary. The ceiling of the church was made of metal painted black. There was no insulation of any other material up there that could have been breaking off and falling. As far as I can tell, the material must have materialized in thin air and then fell. One person claimed to have picked up a piece and eaten it - they said it tasted like honey. Manna? I don't know. But I know something happened that as far as I can see is not easily explicable from a materialist perspective.

When someone claims a miracle, two questions must be asked. Is the person correct - that is, did it really happen? And the second question must be, "what was the source of the miracle?" I believe that the spiritual world is real and that it interacts with the natural world and that there are spiritual forces of good and evil. I think a miracle can come from either one of these sides in the spiritual war going on around us. So how do we determine whether a miracle is from God or from something else? I'm sure that some more mature and experienced persons must have better ways of discerning than I do. But the only conclusion I come to is that the fruit of the miracle or the ministry in which the miracle occurs must be what we use to discern where the miracle came from. The fruit of Bethel's ministry is increased desire for intimacy with God, a focus on holiness and an expectation that God is going to do miraculous things that many Christians have either rejected or no longer expect to happen. I have heard the "Toronto Blessing" denigrated by many. I have even heard people suggest that it is from Satan. For a long time I didn't have much of an opinion one way or the other. But after my experience at Bethel, after reading that the Toronto Blessing has been accepted at Anglican churches like Holy Trinity Brompton and reading of fruit like the explosion of churches and orphanages in Mozambique under Heidi Baker after she experienced the blessing I'm beginning to think that those who reject this are wrong. I'm certainly willing to be proved wrong.

One reason I think that many of us reject things like the Toronto Blessing or the miracle I witnessed at Bethel is because it seems weird or that it's not really accomplishing anything. But I think maybe God just wants to say "I'm here and I love you" to those of us who were praising him that night. I believe that the manifest Presence of God is with me in every Eucharist. I believe that the substance of the bread and wine is miraculously changed to the real Body and Blood of Jesus Christ even though the elements have the appearance of bread and wine. I have sensed His Presence in the Eucharist at St. Patrick's so strongly that I felt that I should be lying prostrate. I sometimes worried that as I took the elements that I would be "slain in the Spirit." Why could not have God chosen to meet these believers in a manifest way other than in the Eucharist? I don't think there's any answer to that question that would satisfy me.

Something new. . . From God!

I haven't posted for a while because I've been at a conference in Redding, California for the last five days with two friends, Josh and Lacie. It was the "On Earth as it is in Heaven" conference at Bethel Church. Bethel is a pentecostal church that has become known for miraculous healings. I'm still processing what happened there in my mind and spirit but I think it was big. I think my life has been changed in the last few days. I got a more constant taste of God's sweet Presence in the last few days than I have ever experienced . . . and it is good, very good. Intimacy with God is real and it's what we were made for - I've always thought it but I wonder if I've ever believed it. I'm pretty sure I witnessed something miraculous while I was there - and please realize that I'm a skeptical person. A man with terminal cancer also seems to have been healed during the conference. I've had a goofy smile on my face for the last few days. I have more hope now than I can ever remember having. I'm becoming convinced that God is doing something in our time and it is better than what most of us can imagine. I could write so much more and maybe I will. I'm confident that every post that ever appears on this blog after this point will in some way be influenced by what happened in the last few days. Thank you God!